Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
