the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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