My sheets look like a crime scene.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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