Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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