And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
