Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
