I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I need water and some morals
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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