u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
