his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
