I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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