They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
