my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how drunk are you?
Several
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
