Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
