hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
