ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
