I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
did you just send me my own nude
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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