he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
