you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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