It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
