a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize