i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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