i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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