She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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