Sponge bath it is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
