You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
