i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize