is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
