The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
