is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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