I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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