Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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