I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
