Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
