TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
