Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
