I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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