dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
