Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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