Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
