Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
