I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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