He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
