We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so let's talk penis.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
