He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
