this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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