im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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