I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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