WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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