shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
