he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
