Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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