4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
never play flip cup with pint glasses
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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