4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
