Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
