i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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