Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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