an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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