Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
