This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Michael Bay diarrhea
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
