i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
