I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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