TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My penis needs a shock collar
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
