The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
