I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
