he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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