Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
