He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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