Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
