Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
