she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
