i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
