Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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