I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize