you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
