Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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