Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm at about main and main street
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
