Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
