I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
